Why I no longer feel guilty

My conscience has been pushing me to write about the truth, the truth on what happened on that day when me and miss HER were caught up in a very uncompromised situation which led to breaching of promises and development of one of the most tormenting psychological stress that I believe no else has ever gone through in such a short period of time. Below you will find an account and details of what happened on that fateful day when I got to discover the secret to one of the greatest natural pleasure, that somehow God had perfectly hid and made it unknown to the young and innocent. Apparently I was only eighteen years old when all these happened although I have had stories of people who had done this at a very early age. Please do not judge me on this, because as I have said before, it is my conscience that has pushed me to the point that i cannot take it anymore and maybe, just maybe writing about it would help me cope with the whole situation. I am now a grown man and there is indeed no need to cry over spilt milk. I have decided to let bygones to be bygones and opened a new chapter in my life where hopefully I will have better goings. Below is what happened and Why I no longer feel guilty.

What really happened and the reasons I no longer feel guilty

The date is still fresh in my mind, this is because I had taken a vow that i would never forget what happened. The date was 8th in the month of December, 2006 just a few weeks before the long waited Christmas holidays. I was just back from school and was relaxing in my room, there was no one else at home on this fate-tilting day.The cold chilli evening deserved to be spent in doors and that's exactly what I was doing. It had never occurred to me that i would fall prey to such an unjust, distasteful and inhumane treatment as the one i got from HER. Her name was Herny, which I always shortened to HER in order to reduce the pain Psychological pain that I had to endure as a result of what i went through. I also remember very well that my favorite T.V program was on going and most probably it was a few minutes before 1700hrs. Then I had a knock on the door. I woke up from the couch and opened the door and to my astonishment, HER was standing there waiting for the door to be opened. " may I come in ", she politely requested. "come in", i replied. By this time my whole body was shaking, my legs were also shaking drawing maps of the continents of the World.

A heavily built, strong woman, who was most probably in her late fifties although she had told me that she was forty years old, sorry to say this but that's how I can shortly describe HER. Anyway i still felt that she was old enough to be my mom. I was only eighteen, for God's sake! An innocent eighteen years old kid left home alone. So there she was, in a blue velvet dress that showed all the features of her body, the curvy hips, the highly protruded bums and great thighs, the sort of which are designed to make you go crazy in a second and start speaking your mother tongue.All these features were well defined and salivating for a starter like me who did not know what he was doing until recently. She was a big- beautiful woman that many would kill to have. I had had a girlfriend before, but that was a long time ago, we were young and most probably did not know what we were doing, but this- this was too much for me take, too much for an innocent eighteen year old boy. I started sweating and before long my mouth was shaking too. I did not know what to say to HER. I felt a cold chill pass through my body. I was shivering, the cause of all these i did not know. Maybe it was because I had not come so close to a woman for a long time, a long time in deed. I decided to hide my feelings and pretended that I was annoyed.

We had met on Facebook,the social media site. Actually, sincerely speaking I am the one who had started it all. HER had put on her Facebook profile picture, a beautiful photo that i could not stop admiring whenever I was online Facebooking. I started by Stalking her, before long i was commenting on her Facebook status updates, then went on to liking her photos and comments, frequently poking her and even went further to suggesting friends to her and before long, our relationship had grown from mere Facebook thing into something big. So with time, I gave her my home address and even told her when my parent will not be at home, and that would mostly be Friday evenings.

One day she sent me a message asking me how old I was. "eighteen", i had replied. "I am forty", she messaged back. "40!" Was she kidding? Was this supposed to be some sort of a joke? " Am serious", she had replied after i had insisted on knowing her real name and for the few weeks we had known each other, she had never sound so sincere, so frank. She was serious, she was a forty year old, good looking big and beautiful woman and as I had said she was the sort of a woman you can readily kill to have. "No problem, I don't mind your age, Age is just a number. I will not allow age barrier to to prevent us from having happy moments in my life, as they say you only live once, so here is my home address, hope to see you as soon as possible and anyway for your information, Old is Gold", with these last words, i had summarized everything. I had little hope of actually seeing her, i was convinced that she would ignore it and will not come.

So, here she was and I did let her in, my heart almost beating itself out of my body. After taking a cup of coffee together, i do not know how it happened but it was not too long before we found ourselves glued to each other. We were all over each other, touching, caressing, kissing, doing anything that an eighteen year old would think of. It was my time to show what I was made of and surely, i was not going to squander this opportunity. I was young and energetic and I surely did enjoy that moment, that fate-tilting Friday evening.

Today, although still not married, I do not feel guilty for losing my virginity to a woman older than me. I feel proud because that Friday evening introduced me to a new world, the world of uncovering the hidden natural pleasures that minors are not supposed to know of. So why are you laughing? You think it's funny that I slept with an older woman than me? Why are you judging me? What if I told you that I am planning to marry HER, the only woman I have been with!